What it means to be lazy

Local. – There is nothing more infuriating to Joey Mammoth (14) (pseudonym) than being asked to do anything. Our local reporter went down to Neverville to meet with him.

Boy: “Mom says I’m her little angel and that my way is the right way. So I sat on the couch, yeah? And the remote was nowhere near me. Well, I could see it right there next to the telly, but mom always gets everything for me, but she wasn’t around so I was like, what the hell?! I got angry and threw the only thing within reach, mom’s giant dildo."

Reporter: “Pardon?"

Boy: “Aye mate, a dildo. I’m fourteen you know! I KNOW WHAT A DILDO IS! It was one of those purple tentacle ones. It’s huge. HUGE, I tell ya! I threw it at the telly as hard as I could! Then I went on a rampage and cracked every screen in the house with mom’s dildo to teach her a lesson not to neglect me and my needs."

Reporter: “Because you couldn’t reach for the remote?"

Boy: “Yeah mate, are you thick in the head or somethin'? That’s what I just said. I don’t like moving an inch. I just want to eat, fart, sleep, and watch telly. Mom says that I’m the best no matter what I do! So I do nothing. I still get to be the best. Genius, isn’t it?"

Reporter: Can’t argue with that logic.

Last modified on March 30, 2022
Published on January 29, 2020